Making People Real

Today

My dad is almost sixty years old. At this age, he has such a sharp mind and is so insanely smart it might bewilder you. His life is filled with victory after victory. First in everything he has ever done. He is a born winner. He enjoys winning. And… he’s just about done everything in life now that you can win. And won.

He has a better track record than hedge fund managers since 2010 at least, the earliest his trading history is recorded, all while trading large cap companies — the ones they do.

Once, during senior year of high school we decided to go to the park to play tennis. I’d been on the tennis team since freshman year. Him? I had no clue he ever played — he never talked about it. He destroyed me. Like a 6–1, 6–1 type of match. I wasn’t great at tennis, but I was 17 years old and had been playing for some time. I didn’t even know he ever played.

I had heard a few stories about how he was the roller skating champ of the state we lived in back in India. Apparently he won some competition at a local rink, then maybe one in college, then a city-wide won, then took the state.

He’s told me they used to have ping pong tournaments in college. And that there was this one really talented player that used to crush the competition… and he beat him. Not just once. He became the top dog at their college in that too.

School-wise? Went straight from 11th grade to India’s version of MIT — IIT. While there? 1st, 1st, 1st, 1st.

He loves to play so much and is so smart and talented that he has nobody left in his league. His “friends” — guys his age — have all succumbed to traditional ways of socializing. They’re the “hi hello how are you how’s work going we just came back from Napa yes excellent wine” types. He tries to talk to them about stocks, but by now it’s become clear to them that he just knows way too much for them to do anything more than to get stock tips from him.

They play cards on occasion, maybe once or twice a year… he’s just too good at everything, I’ll leave it at that. He’s the one who taught me how to count cards to begin with. “Easy,” he said.

I didn’t fare so well, Pops. But then again, I let my emotions go out of control. I always did during my gambling phase. But damn, you should’ve seen me when I was locked in, with poker especially. If only I had a good bankroll these days, I am doing far better with my emotional control. Writing has helped me get out my thoughts. Ones I kept trapped my whole life.

Either way, dude… you can’t imagine how lucky I am that you gave me everything you did and also moved us to America. I got a good mix of both cultures, maybe moved at the “right time” in my life or something. Plus, of course, Amma raising us to keep the old alive and welcome the new.

While I‘ll always be desi at heart, there are a few huge differences between the two cultures, and therefore me and you.

Just to make sure I don’t forget this one later — racism. It is rampant throughout the world… and India is no better. Americans urge each other to grow. To learn and be better. In California, at least, it is practically nonexistent. In India, even the peeps next door try to talk us and America down. Like “in India this and this is better… how can you like America?” That, combined with how little this country propagandas itself, lets me know they’re jealous. It’s just huge. Bursting at the seams, in a way.

India — Indians around the world, if there’s one thing you do great, it’s keeping ties with family. The culture there stems from having a family-centric life. Hinduism is huge, yes, and there may be plenty of devotees, but largely even that “religion” is about a way of life. I say all of this because in my mind, India and America are a match made in heaven.

(P.s. I know this is supposed to be about my dad, but have some patience dear readers, it’ll reconnect.)

Indians in India have the wrong idea about Americans especially, maybe white people in general. They see crass. I see people who dare be themselves… people who are not scared of having to act a certain way. To bend in to the group. People here are free. And while India may be a democracy with freedom of speech, you act. Because of the blanket family culture. You dare not go against the hive mind. You dare not even go against what your mom says.

White people are just as warm as Indians. If anything, Indians restrict themselves to being warm only to other Indians. The closer you get in lineage, the warmer, amiright?

White people may not have massive family bases, but they challenge each other to grow. The culture in America is to keep your mind open and implore others to do so too. Community doesn’t mean the whole country comes together as one over here the way India does for some. Thanks India.

But, that said, arranged marriages are a huge problem in India. Pops, you would have slayed with a dating culture. Women love winners like you.

Your whole mentality changes with a dating culture like that in America. When people are freer to be themselves, we are more in tune with our animalistic selves. At our core, we are animals. Survivalists, each of us. The differentiator between humans and all other species that have come before us — the reason we took over the world — is that we inherently think in terms of the greater good. First.

Anyway, I remember last year when I said something to you over the phone. I didn’t know there was an audience… not to my life in private either. Did you? You must have, the way you reacted. It seems like it really got to you. The only way that’s possible is if anybody else was listening in or had a seat to the show that was my private life. I hope you would tell me if that’s the case. I could then tell you how much Ma loves you. You don’t see everything she does for you.

You would be destroyed without her in your life. That’s world class cooking, yo. That’s a woman that spent every minute taking care of her family first. If anything, she deserves some rest finally. You have not done more than her all your life, if you’re counting money or something as points. She has done just as much and I think more.

Take her out and celebrate life with her, bro. Look, could you or her see through my eyes at any point last year? You wanted to get closer to your son, right? I mean, at the end of the day, it’s fine now. You don’t have to pretend to be Gopal, though, to have my love. A simple “Hi, how are you?” does the trick. If you ask me something, I’ll be truthful. As much as I can be with you. If you’ve shown to me that you can handle the truth without destroying me in return. My folks are just about the only ones who I have never been able to be entirely truthful with, and it’s not without good cause. They just never understand where I’m coming from or think they know what’s best for me, always. Was that once again the case last year? For example, did a certain girl’s family put me in “paranoid camp” and give you or Ma seats to the show? Did you decide an FBI-like drug service was a better use of your money and what I needed in the first place, rather than give me what I asked for? Brother-in-law-to-be, Gopal, Pops, Pagli, friends, extended fam… did you all pay for it or Paranoid Camp? Did you then try and make it seem like it’s my friends who broke my trust? Popeye and the ex and Pops, whereas Ma, Pagli, and Gopal were the first in line. You tortured me for my life in private, then you expected me to run to extended fam, who you wanted me to reconnect with. They had seats to the show the whole time. Through my eyes. And, everyone’s been instructed to act in certain ways with me. No borrowing any money. You said, when you were in an awful place, yes… you said, you don’t need money in life. Was I thinking it would be like this? Can people change their fucking minds? Especially with new information? And… I was still fucking recovering from a mental breakdown. I cannot believe all of last year happened, actually. What the fuck. Not a single soul is just telling me the truth anymore. Ma, you put blame on everybody else. Pointed fingers at everyone except yourself. Did you think I would break? Assumptions? That’s what this is about? EVERYBODY PUT THEIR ISSUES ON ME. I HAD NO FRIENDS LEFT AND NEVER OPENED UP TO ANYONE BECAUSE I COULDN’T THANKS TO YOU TWO. UNTIL I HAD A FUCKING MENTAL BREAKDOWN. IT FEELS LIKE DEATH. THEN I WAS TORTURED, TESTED BAITED TRACKED MANIPULATED HACKED LIED TO AND MORE.

“Oh, look at this interesting looking lightbulb. I wonder if this is what has the the hidden cam in it.”

I love nothing more than when people are unabashedly themselves. Be yourself and you’ll have my love. You don’t even have to think about me. I love thinking about you, though. I’m all about where people are coming from. Just be real with me, please… that’s all I ask for.

My father is not real. Neither is my mother. Not one of my friends have dared spoken up. They were supposed to be the bait, right? At least they tried. I miss them so much, though. The real them. The ones without Ma or Pops’ guns to their heads. There’s no way they wouldn’t help me out unless they had signed contracts and their lives at risk.

Ma… next time, just go with “Hello. I miss you, friend. What happened with us? We were so tight. Then you dipped from my life. Is it because you think I’m fake? I can’t imagine what else. Here, let’s talk. I will dare ask questions and accept the truth. I’d love to be closer again.”

Me too.

In what has become quite a stupid game or show, if I have to pick, there’s no question… I’d save you. Let’s go back to India. You can’t fix a broken clock, and I get it now. And this way, America gets what it wants. For history to be written as it was once told. Jesus had no dad… and so it lives on. Biased, censored. If only he would give me what I’m owed. And not break my trust so much. Then I could give him everything he wants. My love.

It’s too bad love is not a game, or else I’m sure he would’ve won mine by now. You can’t buy love, pure and simple. That goes for you, too, America. You could’ve just asked. “Oh god, please stay.”

It seems like India’s got my back.

The people do too. But I have to be careful with them. Who knows who amongst them is just not who they say they are?

Dear India… I wish I could be in contact with you digitally and know it was you. I need a safe passage back home. Either I go or my dad will. I hope you’re getting this… and that we see each other soon regardless.

You don’t just get to “buy me” like I’m a pair of shoes. You don’t just get to sell me, Musk up to China.

This world is full of horror right now. We are absolutely entering a new universe. But it’s the same earth. And society? It’s just going in reverse now. It looks like America copy and pasted god’s conscience then tried to fuck with him hard. What’d you do with Khaleed, fuckers? Did you not hear his song? If anything, he is god.

And how could so many of you be watching this right now and not do more?

You’d rather pay off lawyers and buy half the world and have a ship stationed off the coast and have Intersat in your pockets and straight up kill… than accept you messed up. That goes for just about everyone right now. All my friends and fam and the rich and “elite”. Musk… the one at the top: Fuck you. Bored much? If you wanted to play, you should’ve just asked. You know I love to play. You know it all too well, unfortunately.

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